More Notable Quotes

• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

• How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

• Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

• Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

• We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

• I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.